Friday, February 25, 2011


When I’m around you, I kind of feel like I’m on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

Thursday, February 24, 2011


Week one hundred and fifty-nine - February 2011

Had a meeting with Karl today about various things.

We start recording bits for An Idiot Abroad soon and he's getting very inquisitive. It sounds harsh, but we have to keep things from him until he's on camera. That's when the magic happens.

Trying to persuade him to do something for Comic Relief too. He says he's done enough for charity. So have me and Steve, for that little mong. I usually get my own way. We'll see.

Another Dilkington weekend stateside. There's a brand new Ricky Gervais Show on HBO this Friday and a brand new An Idiot Abroad on Science this Saturday.

Oh, and good luck to James Franco and Anne Hathaway at The Oscars on Sunday. I know how nervous they must be right now.

They will do an absolutely fantastic job and don't need my help, but I've written a little opening in case they have a few minutes to fill.

   (Drum roll)

Ladies and Gentlemen.
Please welcome your hosts for this evening...
James Franco and Anne Hathaway

(Music and applause)
(James and Anne walk out looking absolutely perfect)

Hello and welcome to The 83rd Academy Awards,
Live from Los Angeles.

That's foreign for City of Angels.
And this room is certainly filled will those angels.


Thank you. I'm James Franco.

...and I'm Anne Hathaway.

You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds "way out" but wait till half way through this fucking ceremony and you'll start to identify with him.

And I'm the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.

It's a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we're not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.

Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!

No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.

Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.

But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London...

(Nervous laughter)

He's doing some charity work.
Yeah, he's visiting orphans with cancer.
He's telling them what bald little losers they are...

Yeah, cos he's rude right?


Thank you.
No rudeness tonight.
It's going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.


That's not to say that we don't care. No, apart from all the great movies we made this year we continued our life-saving philanthropy. Mega stars like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Ben Stiller brought light to third world poverty and famine and shocked the world with visions of children so hungry they'd been living off dead beetles all their lives.

Yeah and Yoko Ono said. "What's wrong with that?"


Oh Anne you are naughty. In a respectful, wholesome way.

(Nodding and smiling)

That Ricky Gervais should do more for charity.

(Murmurs of agreement)

Ricky Gervais is now worth $80,000,000. The obnoxious Brit confirmed the figure, adding,"Yes and my dentist hasn't seen a penny."

Yeah, why doesn't he get his teeth straightened and bleached like everyone else in Hollywood?

It's a good question Anne. For the same reason he doesn't have botox or suck up to important producers - there's something wrong with him.

There must be. Why isn't the stocky, fangy, little slob more like us, right?

That ugly dude needs to get a Hollywood makeover, big time.

Quite. And even though most of the actresses here have eating disorders, that's better than being fat right?

You bet it is gorgeous.

You are so handsome.

You know Ricky Gervais used to be bulimic.


Yes. He'd often gorge himself for hours with cheese and cakes.

And then vomit right?

No he left that bit out...

(Mild laughter)

That's because he couldn't get his fat fucking fingers in his stupid mouth.

(Big laugh)

Anyway let's get this show on the road.
There were some great kids' movies this year.
I took a five year old to see Toy Story 3 last week.

Did you enjoy it?

No it was ruined for me because the little brat was screaming and crying all the way through the film saying, "Who are you?" "You're not my daddy." "Take me back to the park where you grabbed me..."


Oh James, you are a card. And your slightly risky jokes are not threatening because you're one of us. And you are so handsome.

So let's get this show on the road.
Our first presenter is a Hollywood legend whose boots Ricky Gervais would not be fit to kiss...
The wonderful...
Mel Gibson...

(Standing ovation)

And so on...

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

CDR talks AD

Nicole Blum gave me a shout out!

<a href=";from=sp&amp;vid=404b2c6f-1ed5-2d8a-f94f-5762f82e1684" target="_new" title="No husband before jobs">Video: No husband before jobs</a>

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

the coin toss

Friday, February 18, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I need to read more.

"One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don’t read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining. ” -Garrison Keillor

I'm on board. Way after everyone else.

Also, Marcus Mumford, even though you are a 24 year old CHILD: DO ME.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hi Wayne! Hiiiii!

Meet me in Montauk

Monday, February 14, 2011


Radiohead just announced their new album, The King of Limbs. We don’t know the tracklist yet, but the album will be released on February 19th. Yep, 5 days from now.
There are two options:
Newspaper Album
  • Two clear 10″ vinyl records in a purpose-built record sleeve.
  • A compact disc.
  • Many large sheets of artwork, 625 tiny pieces of artwork and a full-colour piece of oxo-degradeable plastic to hold it all together.
  • The Newspaper Album comes with a digital download that is compatible with all good digital media players.
  • The Newspaper Album will be shipped on Monday 9th May 2011 you can, however, enjoy the download on Saturday 19th February 2011.
  • Shipping is included in the prices shown.
  • One lucky owner of the digital version of The King Of Limbs, purchased from this website, will receive a signed 2 track 12″ vinyl.
Digital Only
  • MP3 version is a 320K constant bit rate file.
  • WAV version is a full CD quality uncompressed digital audio file.
  • One lucky owner of the digital version of The King Of Limbs, purchased from this website, will receive a signed 2 track 12″ vinyl.
For more information about pre-ordering, head on over to

(via GreenPlastic)

i liked this a lot. a lot.

Friday, February 11, 2011

obsessed with this song forever.

you guys.


you can't hear me right now, but i'm doing my talking to animals voice. 
it's very annoying and i can't control it.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I want to be this happy.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"I can't relate to 99% of humanity"

Jenny and Johnny

Big Wave from Miky Wolf on Vimeo.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

i like this.

Thrush from Gabriel Bisset-Smith on Vimeo.


also, this looks good.
and Ross Gellar directed it.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Happy Birthday genius.

"J.Dilla: Still Shining" from B.Kyle on Vimeo.


Audrey Hepburn shopping with her pet deer “Ip” in Beverly Hills, CA, 1958.
"I don't hate people. I just feel better when they aren't around." - Charles Bukowski

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

kyle kinane is one of the funniest


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Paul Rudd, the perfect man.

VF: Hollywood Issue

in the dictionary under: screen chemistry

His Girl Friday in it's entirety, is on YouTube.

please don't suck

into it.

MAC Wonder Woman Collection

i want everything to be like this moment.

heart this video